I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
