just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
