I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
She announced her abortion via fbk
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I think people are normalizing furries
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
