So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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