Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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