I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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