yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Randomize
