I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
