I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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