but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
