He disabled his match.com account in front of me
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
