can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
