I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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