Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
