I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
