even my farts smell like vagina
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
