Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
