dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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