Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Found the puke drawer
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
