I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
