Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
