So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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