Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
