walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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