Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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