She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Randomize
