i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
