I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
