Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
