I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
