I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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