i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
