bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
