We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
