Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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