I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
