In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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