Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
