my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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