So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
