Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
