Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
