"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
