I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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