it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
