u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
