saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
