The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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