She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
