There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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