he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
