shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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